The Departed.

Tim Bruder is no longer.

He died in his sleep last Saturday,

and was not there yesterday.

I did not know him very well,

but I always held him in the highest regard.

Even while cracking jokes in the back of the room.

I'd always do what he wanted,

even if I didn't know how to do it.

He had a silent knowledge about him,

first assuming we knew,

then stepping in with his encyclopedic knowledge.

He was forgetful,

at times he was uninvolved,

but it was because he believed in us.

It was because he trusted us.

Even if we were the scruffiest bunch in the school,

he trusted that we'd do the right thing.

And if we didn't,

he'd rewind the tapes,

and smack us down.

Verbally, of course.

And even know he's only said my name 4 times,

I'll miss him.

I'll miss him dearly.

Because he represented my favorite part of school.

Auto shop.

-----

But that's not enough tragedy for one day.

My wonderful Taylor is now elsewhere.

With another man.

Giving her love to him.

And it's all my fault.

I put a stranglehold on her.

And she longed for freedom.

And that's what she got.

She got away from me.

I lost the greatest thing in my life.

Out of the great love we shared,

all that's left for me is anger.

And memories.

We traveled together,

we slept together,

we put trust in each other.

But, the emphasis was too great.

She became resentful,

because she was my only priority.

Everything had slipped away,

and only she was there.

For me, that was everything I wanted.

I wanted to be seen with her.

I wanted my kids to be like her.

I wanted the security of her,

to show that I was not hopeless,

that I could have another in my life,

and that it could work.

But,

that was shattered.

All we had is now gone.

Replaced with resentment and disdain.

All she can give me now is her appearance.

Her glowing face,

and wonderful smile.

But I know it's not for me.

She doesn't smile because of me.

She doesn't smile for me.

She smiles for her freedom.

She smiles for the present.

She smiles for doing what she's done.

And there's no turning back.

I'm not at the top any longer.

I've fallen into the sea of everybody else.

But I know,

that she loved me once,

and as I drift in the sea,

in the sea of everyone,

I wonder,

if that will be enough for her to love me again.

I have a lifetime ahead of me.

But maybe not.

In the words of my stroke-plagued P.E. teacher,

"Tomorrow is promised to no one."

If I can never have her again,

I will always have the memories.

And hopefully,

in time,

she can be mine again.

And we can share the time,

knowing that we're good for each other.

Knowing that nothing can ever break

true love.