Horrible Hindsight.

I got her.

I almost gave up, but I got her.

She really wanted me, turns out.

I never knew.

I never knew love.

This was love, at it's best.

I loved her, she loved me.

The rest of the world faded away.

Sank into nothingness.

There was only us,

each other.

Others butted in,

but I shooed them away.

I took away everything from her,

everything that I didn't like.

I changed her,

made her my own.

She'd do anything for me.

She'd move mountains,

mow over those in her way.

For a good cause, though.

Love, at it's finest.

We made vows,

speculations,

of what our lives would be,

together, for eternity.

But, I've got cold feet.

No bells are ringing, though.

I see what I have,

and am hit by what I don't.

She's my best friend.

She's my world.

If I lost her, I'd lose everything.

But I don't know what's worse;

putting her through this,

or leaving her.

I love her,

I think.

I'm not who she is,

the loyal, experienced being.

I need experience.

I need to know what I have is the best.

What I had.

I might never get her back.

I'd know exactly what I need,

but I would have lost it,

lost it to my fear,

my virginity.

Nothing is nice, anymore.

No route leads to happiness

without passing through pain and suffering.

Nothing is bliss.

Like the love I once knew.

The love I once yearned for,

that I could not have.

I'm just a boy,

bored with his new toy.

I've forgotten the novelty.

What it is to be in love.

She knows.

I envy her.

I envy her knowing,

her assurance.

I want to give her the world,

but I cannot,

simply because I don't know what I have.

The gift.

How good my love is.

I'd do anything.

I'd give my life to feel this love

I once knew.

I'm sorry, my Taylor,

please excuse my forgetfulness.

I know I love you,

but I cannot prove it.

I'm sorry.

But know, dear,

when I say you'll be with me,

at my end,

I mean it.

If I can't guarantee anything,

I can give you that.

I know I've done you wrong,

including right now,

but you deserve nothing like this.

You deserve loyalty

and assurance,

from the one you love most.

Give me time, honey.

I'm still learning.