Limited Visibility.

First off, don't get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna write things here, and you're gonna get distressed.
It's just your nature.
I don't have friends that I can do this to,
because those friends would be of a.....female nature.
And I've tried to end those relationships, no matter how shallow.
Anyway; onto business.

Who do people talk to when they can't talk to someone.
In your head, you just thought of various religious things.
Either they've got a big white beard, 
or they're on the other side of the small wooden booth.
I haven't got anyone, or anything like that.


I'm just here.
I've got people who I'm very close to,
but some things offend everyone.
I'm not a perfect fit to anyone.
Nobody is.
I just wish there was someone who could take in everything I am
without thinking I'm throwing daggers at them.

I'm like a rock.
Some of my sides are smooth and well-developed,
and others are jagged and primitive.

I don't know what I am.
And I really don't know where I'm going.
I don't know what I want,
I don't know anything.


But who does?
Mr. Lucido?
Ms. Spangenburg?
I'm more of a Catcher in the Rye type.
Except I have a backbone,
I know what I don't want to be.


I want to attend a speed-dating service
that shows me what I can be.
Get a 5 minute look into what kind of person I'd be,
anywhere, with any set of choices.
You say I have potential,
which isn't really a compliment.
It's an observation.
Tell me if I'm doing it right.
Tell me what will go sour if I'm not.


I'm wasting my valuable time.
I'll drive 90 miles an hour
if it means I'll get 10 more minutes.
10 fewer dollars,
10 more minutes.
Isn't that a fair price?
Ask anyone
crossing the River Styx.


I should be a jerk.
I should be selfish.
But I should let people into my life.
My life just corrodes people, though.
I need to be swept away.
I need a stronger drink
than the one I'm mixing.


I'm looking ahead,
lining myself up for the future,
but I'm making a terrible mess of now.
I don't want to be married.
I don't want to test drive one car.
It doesn't mean love is flimsy,
it's just early.


After promises are destroyed once,
what makes them impervious to destruction once more?
And you damn well better not cry.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not making decisions.
I need to talk.
I need to debate the things that make you sad.
I can hide them,
but I can't erase them.


Let me write this letter
and cast it into the deep, forgotten void of the internet.
It's better that someone else, it seems.

eBay.

It's where I sell stuff,

and it gives me good reason to take awesome pictures.

Strength.

I don't even know what I need.
I don't know what anything is any more.
I can't rock the boat,
because she's made of glass.

I want something to love,
I want to know what to love.
I need magnetism.
I need that....craving.

Too often,
I just skim the surface.
I want to swim beneath, it its depths,
but only when it ceases to be black.

Pull me beneath,
show me the way;
we both try,
and yet we both fail.

Can we be helped?
I don't know.
Can we be stopped?



....I don't think so.

For One Million Years.

I will wonder
what would have been.
How it would have worked,
how things could have been.


Jesus Christ, 
just get out of my head.
Stay out of my dreams.
You told me what you want.
Your presence
hurts the people around me.


Let me go!
I have to go!

Comet.

I used to live a life, 
a life of light.
One of joy,
One of prosperity.
There was some darkness,
but it only existed
in small doses.


Then, suddenly,
it all went dark.
The lights, once so bright,
had been extinguished.


I fumbled about,
I tried make things right,
I screamed,
I cried.


I never knew why
such a thing would happen.
What had I done?
What did I not?


I just wanted what it was,
I wanted to see 
what I knew
once again.


The lights were off 
for a very long time.
But then, suddenly,
there was change.


A single match,
one dim bulb,
in a space
full of nothingness.


And then,
a shooting star 
crossed my path,
fell to Earth,
illuminating what I needed to see.


You glow like an ember,
you shine like gold;
your brilliant light
even gives warmth.


You are mysterious,
you are strange,
you are new,
and I haven't the knowledge
of what to do.


Come with me,
let's find the way,
the world is full of night,
but will be overcome
by your shining light.


Take my hand,
we'll cross the land.
We've got news,
"we'll never lose."


It could have been anyone,
but it was me.
You talk to me,
you listen to me,
you smile at me,
you gaze at me.


I'll do my best
to beat the rest.
To keep you lit,
to keep you warm.


You've sparked a flame
in my depths.
Your light's showing things 
I thought didn't exist.


Thank you,
a million times over
for being new,
for being you.


I'll do you good,
because I know you're good.
But you're not just good,
you're the best.


You're that thing I wished for,
the tiny light,
the slightest glimmer,


the shooting star
on a wishful night.

If I Was Anything.

I'd be a George Thorogood song.
I would be that one small cloud in the sky.
I'd be an old picture.
I'd be Velcro.
I'd be Paul McCartney's bass.
I'd be a two-dollar bill.
I'd be a last resort.
I'd be the band on the Titanic.
I'd be the Postal Service.
I'd be an extended deadline.
I'd be perfect hair.

"Forward," August 8, 2010.

Hello,
nice to meet you.

Let's make history.
Let's make something of ourselves.
Let's waste time.
Let's climb a mountain.
Let's go the distance.
Let's break the law.
Let's run away.
Let's explore.
Let's dance.
Let's hold hands.
Let's figure it out.
Let's guess.
Let's fail.
Let's laugh.
Let's never stop.

You're intriguing.
You're so far away.
You're driving me crazy.
You're making me smile.
You're pulling me along.
You've got my attention,
You've got my vote,
and you're getting my heart.

.....let's get started.